EMPLOYEE CLASSIFICATION PORTALASSESSMENT CYCLE 2026 / REV. 04
Mandatory
Assessment™
Employee portal
CLASSIFICATION COMPLETESPECIMEN 008 / WSCA–04
OFFICIAL SPECIMEN RECORD
ECOLOGICALLY
ACCOUNTED FOR
FIG. 008 · KUDZU
YOUR CLASSIFICATION

The Kudzu

Cross-Functional Expansion Lead

Natural habitat
Every project adjacent to your project
Risk level
Uncontained
Management compatibility
Difficult to prune

Classification rationale

You began with one small initiative. You now own onboarding, the newsletter, three dashboards, and something called culture operations. This was not the original scope.

DISTINGUISHING INDICATOR99%Scope Expansion
OBSERVED IN THE WILD
“A small pilot program that now owns the building.”
Classification indicator · Descriptive profile value, not a measured performance score.
ADMINISTRATIVE DISPOSITION

Retain existing access permissions. Apply species-specific handling guidance. Do not update payroll to reflect the number of legs.

INTERDEPARTMENTAL CONTACT GUIDANCE

Your working relationships.

View all 16 contact protocols →
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

A written brief with explicit exclusions

Name the deliverable, budget, and departments that are not participating. Obtain acknowledgment before providing access to shared resources.

Avoid
Inviting the employee to “make this their own” across an unrestricted organization.
If contact deteriorates
Appoint a scope owner who is not already covered by the initiative.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Pothos ↗

Pothos extends useful routines while Kudzu opens new territory. Together they can connect a department before a committee has named it.

Coordination protocol

Approve a boundary map. Anything beyond it requires a new business case, even if already covered in leaves.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Sequoia ↗

Kudzu expands before asking what is connected. Sequoia can identify exactly which hidden root will take the organization down.

Coordination protocol

Require a dependency review before expansion. Neither speed nor age exempts a proposal from documentation.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Assess another employee

This specimen profile is part of a fictional workplace assessment. Not a hiring tool, diagnosis, or performance review.

VOLUNTARY PROCUREMENT DEPARTMENT

Free assessment. Optional robot fund.

One helps you understand your workplace behavior. The other gives the creator something deeply unnecessary to supervise.

THE ENTIRELY REASONABLE OPTION

Find out what species you are.

$0 No procurement approval required.

Ten questions. One suspiciously accurate classification. Your certificate and a new explanation for your calendar behavior.

Take the free assessment No sign-up. No purchase. No surprise invoice from the mushroom.
THE FINANCIALLY QUESTIONABLE OPTION

Chip in toward a ridiculous robot.

Small contribution. Unnecessary ambition.

You don’t have to buy the whole robot. Contribute toward an autonomous assistant with absolutely no business being on the payroll. It will join middle management immediately. We expect no measurable improvement.

Chip in with PayPal paypal.me/davidrunnelsChip in with Venmo @davidrunnelsChip in with Cash App $davrun
Completely optional support for the creator. Your assessment and certificate stay free. Payments are handled by the external payment provider, which may request contact and payment information. Contributions are separate from anonymous assessment results.

Contributions do not improve your classification. The Office of Organizational Ecology cannot be bribed. The creator’s position is less firmly documented.