EMPLOYEE CLASSIFICATION PORTALASSESSMENT CYCLE 2026 / REV. 04
Mandatory
Assessment
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PERSONNEL OPERATIONS / CONTACT REGISTER 05

Interdepartmental compatibility.

Communication procedures for all 16 classifications. Consult before initiating collaboration, providing feedback, or placing two incompatible ecosystems in the same recurring meeting.

GENERAL HANDLING NOTE

A productive pairing still requires an owner and a deadline. A difficult pairing requires those things in writing. Compatibility does not authorize feeding, pruning, relocation, or unscheduled physical contact.

001The Office FernQuiet Continuity OfficerView contact protocol +
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

One calm written request

Provide context, a deadline, and time to absorb both. A lack of visible movement does not indicate a lack of processing.

Avoid
Public brainstorming in which every participant must contribute moisture.
If contact deteriorates
Return the discussion to one owner. Restore indirect attention.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Saguaro

Both tolerate quiet, limited intervention, and independent working conditions. Neither mistakes silence for a culture problem.

Coordination protocol

Provide separate workspaces. Schedule check-ins; do not install an engagement sprinkler.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Bald Eagle

The Eagle seeks immediate visible movement. The Fern produces steady value that is difficult to observe from cruising altitude.

Coordination protocol

Agree on written output measures. Do not conduct aerial performance reviews.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Open complete classification record →
002The PothosLow-Maintenance Growth StrategistView contact protocol +
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

An asynchronous thread with a defined boundary

State where the work starts and, more importantly, where it stops. Pothos interprets adjacent responsibilities as available growing space.

Avoid
“While you’re in there” without an approved containment plan.
If contact deteriorates
Agree on a scope boundary before the initiative reaches Finance.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Kudzu

Pothos extends useful routines while Kudzu opens new territory. Together they can connect a department before a committee has named it.

Coordination protocol

Approve a boundary map. Anything beyond it requires a new business case, even if already covered in leaves.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Monolith

Pothos grows around inherited structures. Monolith considers the inherited structure to be the point.

Coordination protocol

Approve a small pilot area. Do not root new responsibilities in a role whose original function remains under investigation.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Open complete classification record →
003The PossumStrategic Non-Response SpecialistView contact protocol +
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

A direct message identifying the actual emergency

Specify what breaks, when it breaks, and why this employee must intervene. An all-caps subject line is not evidence.

Avoid
Repeated wellness checks during strategic non-response.
If contact deteriorates
Withdraw the audience. Allow the employee to resume signs of professional life voluntarily.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Unclaimed Houseplant

Both maintain continuity without manufacturing urgency. The pair can outlast a false emergency with very little disruption.

Coordination protocol

Assign one explicit owner per deliverable. Otherwise both may be assumed to belong to another team.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Bison

Bison treats delay as an obstruction. Possum responds to increased pressure by becoming even less visibly available.

Coordination protocol

Set one owner, one deadline, and one escalation time. Repeated nudging is not a recovery strategy.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Open complete classification record →
004The RaccoonResource Acquisition AssociateView contact protocol +
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

A concrete problem and permission to investigate

Describe the desired outcome and which assets may be repurposed. Inventory equipment before and after the conversation.

Avoid
An unattended administrator account near an unresolved problem.
If contact deteriorates
Accept a working prototype. Ask for documentation before discussing procurement provenance.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Morel Mushroom

Morel supplies the unexpected insight; Raccoon finds enough abandoned equipment to make it work by Thursday.

Coordination protocol

Pair a brief discovery window with a documented handoff. Register the prototype before it acquires users.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Retaining Wall

Raccoon sees a system worth modifying. Retaining Wall sees an unauthorized opening in a load-bearing structure.

Coordination protocol

Use a sandbox, a rollback plan, and explicit approval. The load-bearing structure is not a test environment.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Open complete classification record →
005The SaguaroBoundary Enforcement SpecialistView contact protocol +
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

A scheduled, time-limited request

Send the agenda first. State exactly what you need. Respect the perimeter; it is both a boundary and a knowledge-management strategy.

Avoid
Surprise collaboration, mandatory hugs, and “quick” calls with no defined end.
If contact deteriorates
Move the request to writing and allow the defensive structures to retract.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Office Fern

Both tolerate quiet, limited intervention, and independent working conditions. Neither mistakes silence for a culture problem.

Coordination protocol

Provide separate workspaces. Schedule check-ins; do not install an engagement sprinkler.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Golden Retriever

The Retriever offers spontaneous connection; the Saguaro experiences the same behavior as repeated perimeter breaches.

Coordination protocol

Schedule contact and define a stop time. “Just checking in” is not a standing access credential.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Open complete classification record →
006The Retaining WallCross-Departmental Load-Bearing SpecialistView contact protocol +
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

A prioritized intake list with capacity estimates

Distinguish must-have work from pressure arriving from above. Identify which departments rely on each handoff. Consult the load-bearing employee before moving any responsibilities.

Avoid
Adding “just one more thing” to a system already described as holding everything together.
If contact deteriorates
Reduce incoming requests before holding a meeting about resilience.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Supervolcano

The Supervolcano signals accumulating pressure; the Retaining Wall knows which dependencies are carrying the load. They can stabilize a strained department when capacity is discussed honestly.

Coordination protocol

Maintain a shared pressure log. Do not interpret structural stability as permission to add another department.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Raccoon

Raccoon sees a system worth modifying. Retaining Wall sees an unauthorized opening in a load-bearing structure.

Coordination protocol

Use a sandbox, a rollback plan, and explicit approval. The load-bearing structure is not a test environment.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Open complete classification record →
007The BeaverConstructive Workaround SpecialistView contact protocol +
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

A broken process, reproduced in writing

Show the failure and define the acceptance criteria. Expect a solution, a spreadsheet, and a new dependency on that spreadsheet.

Avoid
Replacing the workbook because its owner is not in IT.
If contact deteriorates
Ask which processes the file controls. Do not unplug anything while the answer is loading.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Sequoia

Sequoia knows which old dependencies matter. Beaver can repair the process without accidentally removing the department’s root system.

Coordination protocol

Document the historical constraint and the new workaround in the same file. Create a second custodian.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Morel Mushroom

Beaver wants a repeatable process. Morel supplies exceptional output on a schedule that cannot be entered into the workbook.

Coordination protocol

Agree on an output deadline with flexible intermediate steps. Do not automate mushroom emergence.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Open complete classification record →
008The KudzuCross-Functional Expansion LeadView contact protocol +
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

A written brief with explicit exclusions

Name the deliverable, budget, and departments that are not participating. Obtain acknowledgment before providing access to shared resources.

Avoid
Inviting the employee to “make this their own” across an unrestricted organization.
If contact deteriorates
Appoint a scope owner who is not already covered by the initiative.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Pothos

Pothos extends useful routines while Kudzu opens new territory. Together they can connect a department before a committee has named it.

Coordination protocol

Approve a boundary map. Anything beyond it requires a new business case, even if already covered in leaves.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Sequoia

Kudzu expands before asking what is connected. Sequoia can identify exactly which hidden root will take the organization down.

Coordination protocol

Require a dependency review before expansion. Neither speed nor age exempts a proposal from documentation.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Open complete classification record →
009The Unclaimed HouseplantUnassigned Culture ContributorView contact protocol +
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

A named point of contact and an occasional check-in

Confirm responsibilities without demanding an origin story. Ensure that at least one manager knows this employee is on the team.

Avoid
Assuming someone else is responsible for onboarding, feedback, or watering.
If contact deteriorates
Assign a clear owner. Do not move the employee to storage while ownership is investigated.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Possum

Both maintain continuity without manufacturing urgency. The pair can outlast a false emergency with very little disruption.

Coordination protocol

Assign one explicit owner per deliverable. Otherwise both may be assumed to belong to another team.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Supervolcano

The Houseplant needs consistent ownership and low disruption. Supervolcano can unintentionally convert a routine check-in into an evacuation drill.

Coordination protocol

Provide a stable point of contact outside the immediate blast radius.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Open complete classification record →
010The Morel MushroomOccasional Brilliance ConsultantView contact protocol +
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

A concise question with room for incubation

Provide the problem before requesting an answer. Capture useful insights immediately; this availability window is not recurring.

Avoid
Daily progress checks on a process that remains seasonally observable.
If contact deteriorates
Document the last useful idea and schedule the next review by deliverable, not by sighting.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Raccoon

Morel supplies the unexpected insight; Raccoon finds enough abandoned equipment to make it work by Thursday.

Coordination protocol

Pair a brief discovery window with a documented handoff. Register the prototype before it acquires users.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Beaver

Beaver wants a repeatable process. Morel supplies exceptional output on a schedule that cannot be entered into the workbook.

Coordination protocol

Agree on an output deadline with flexible intermediate steps. Do not automate mushroom emergence.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Open complete classification record →
011The Golden RetrieverEmployee Enthusiasm AmbassadorView contact protocol +
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

A friendly conversation followed by written priorities

Explain what success looks like and which requests may be declined. Praise specific work. Enthusiasm does not constitute spare capacity.

Avoid
Treating an immediate “happy to help” as an unlimited service agreement.
If contact deteriorates
Remove two commitments before introducing a new opportunity to be a team player.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Bison

Golden Retriever keeps people informed while Bison keeps the work moving. The team receives both delivery and evidence that someone cares.

Coordination protocol

Assign relationship updates to the Retriever and uninterrupted execution to the Bison. Cap volunteer commitments.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Saguaro

The Retriever offers spontaneous connection; the Saguaro experiences the same behavior as repeated perimeter breaches.

Coordination protocol

Schedule contact and define a stop time. “Just checking in” is not a standing access credential.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Open complete classification record →
012The SupervolcanoLatent Organizational Pressure SystemView contact protocol +
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

A scheduled check-in with a pressure reading

Acknowledge existing load before introducing change. Surface concerns early. Steam is an operational signal, not a tone problem.

Avoid
Telling the department it seems quiet enough to absorb another initiative.
If contact deteriorates
Pause incoming work and establish an exclusion zone around the reply-all thread.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Retaining Wall

The Supervolcano signals accumulating pressure; the Retaining Wall knows which dependencies are carrying the load. They can stabilize a strained department when capacity is discussed honestly.

Coordination protocol

Maintain a shared pressure log. Do not interpret structural stability as permission to add another department.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Unclaimed Houseplant

The Houseplant needs consistent ownership and low disruption. Supervolcano can unintentionally convert a routine check-in into an evacuation drill.

Coordination protocol

Provide a stable point of contact outside the immediate blast radius.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Open complete classification record →
013The MonolithLegacy Organizational ConstantView contact protocol +
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

A formal brief with historical context

Connect the proposal to an established principle. Offer time to consider it. A fixed expression is not documented approval.

Avoid
Announcing that the organization is “starting from scratch.”
If contact deteriorates
Frame the change as preservation of the original intent. Obtain approval in a movable format.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Bald Eagle

The Eagle supplies direction; the Monolith supplies institutional continuity. Their shared altitude can secure support for a difficult decision.

Coordination protocol

Appoint a ground-level implementation owner. A strategic overview and an immovable presence do not, by themselves, complete a project.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Pothos

Pothos grows around inherited structures. Monolith considers the inherited structure to be the point.

Coordination protocol

Approve a small pilot area. Do not root new responsibilities in a role whose original function remains under investigation.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Open complete classification record →
014The SequoiaInstitutional Knowledge CustodianView contact protocol +
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

A prepared conversation with someone taking notes

Ask why the current system exists before proposing its replacement. The answer may include three acquisitions and a person called Brenda.

Avoid
Calling institutional memory resistance to change.
If contact deteriorates
Map the dependencies before removing anything described as legacy.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Beaver

Sequoia knows which old dependencies matter. Beaver can repair the process without accidentally removing the department’s root system.

Coordination protocol

Document the historical constraint and the new workaround in the same file. Create a second custodian.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Kudzu

Kudzu expands before asking what is connected. Sequoia can identify exactly which hidden root will take the organization down.

Coordination protocol

Require a dependency review before expansion. Neither speed nor age exempts a proposal from documentation.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Open complete classification record →
015The BisonSteady Operational ForceView contact protocol +
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

A short brief with a clear decision

Define the task, deadline, and authority to proceed. Then clear the path. Status meetings count as obstacles until proven otherwise.

Avoid
Moving the target while asking why progress has slowed.
If contact deteriorates
Resolve the conflicting priorities. Stand outside the critical path while work resumes.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Golden Retriever

Golden Retriever keeps people informed while Bison keeps the work moving. The team receives both delivery and evidence that someone cares.

Coordination protocol

Assign relationship updates to the Retriever and uninterrupted execution to the Bison. Cap volunteer commitments.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Possum

Bison treats delay as an obstruction. Possum responds to increased pressure by becoming even less visibly available.

Coordination protocol

Set one owner, one deadline, and one escalation time. Repeated nudging is not a recovery strategy.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Open complete classification record →
016The Bald EagleExecutive Altitude StrategistView contact protocol +
COMMUNICATION & CONTACT PROCEDURE

An executive summary with one requested decision

Lead with the outcome and strategic consequence. Translate the response into an owner and deadline before the employee regains altitude.

Avoid
Assuming a broad gesture toward the horizon is a complete implementation brief.
If contact deteriorates
Send a one-page decision record. Request confirmation before the strategy changes airspace.
BEST FIT / PREFERRED WORKING PAIR

The Monolith

The Eagle supplies direction; the Monolith supplies institutional continuity. Their shared altitude can secure support for a difficult decision.

Coordination protocol

Appoint a ground-level implementation owner. A strategic overview and an immovable presence do not, by themselves, complete a project.

WORST FIT / MANAGED CONTACT ADVISED

The Office Fern

The Eagle seeks immediate visible movement. The Fern produces steady value that is difficult to observe from cruising altitude.

Coordination protocol

Agree on written output measures. Do not conduct aerial performance reviews.

Pairing guidance describes fictional working dynamics, not employee value. Worst fit means additional coordination, not a hiring or exclusion recommendation.

Open complete classification record →